Stepping Out of Your Sexual Comfort Zone

simple ways to rev up your sex life

With Fifty Shades of Grey raising eyebrows and spicing up sex lives, it's no wonder we are feeling a mix of pressure and curiosity to turn it up a notch in the bedroom. At first you may ask yourself if that's what your partner needs or wants, but then you may start to wonder if it’s something you need or want.

Maybe it's time to redefine who you are between the sheets. Sure, you know the moves that get the job done, but why not mix it up a bit and step out of your comfort zone? 

4 Tips for Stepping Out of Your Sexual Comfort Zone

1. Get Out of Your Own Way. “Unlike most men, for women the brain plays such a huge role in sexual comfort, satisfaction, and release. The ability to let go is a critical part of the process,” explains Darren Michaels, author of Flipside Erotica, Both Sides of the Story and featured guest on Playboy Radio. This means trusting your partner enough to let your guard down and turn loose. When you can do this, new possibilities arise and according to Michaels, this is “key to stepping out of your comfort zone.”

Related: 3 Mistakes Women Make in the Bedroom

2. Take it Slow. Stepping out of your usual routine does not mean stepping into leather and bringing out the whips on the first night. Instead, take some small steps that you and your partner are comfortable with and have fun. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a licensed clinical psychologist and professor of psychology encourages women to “take a comfortable moment and reflect on your fantasies with the reminder that as long as you and your partner are safe and consenting, anything is game.” An easy first step is to just talk about what your fantasies are. “It’s very sensual to talk about fantasy-even if they are not enacted,” says Dr. Durvasula.

3. Start Talking! It is very sexy to open up to your partner and tell him what you like. "Rather than talking about the things you don't like, you can share what turns you on," says Dr. Michelle Callahan, a tell-it-like-it-is expert for Durex who believes the key to sexual satisfaction comes from open communication and a solid relationship between two people. She suggest trying a new toy, having sex in a different location in the house, trying a new position or acting out a fantasy. Dr. Callahan believes these conversations and requests shouldn’t be awkward and can be a turn on for the both of you.

Related: 5 Steps to 'Slow SEX' -- The New Phenomenon

4. Love Yourself. This can mean many different things, but basically, take care of yourself and appreciate the fabulous woman that you are. One trick to building more confidence and to being more comfortable in your own skin is to wear sexy lingerie outside of the bedroom. Zuhairah Scott Washington, the founder of Kahnoodle, a mobile app that helps couples keep their relationships fresh and exciting, suggests wearing lingerie under your regular clothes. After going to work and doing your usual day activities with a sexy bra and panty set, you will be ready to strip down and show it off when the sun sets. Washington reminds us, “He loves you for you, but he also loves you even more when you love you.” Order something or stop by the mall tonight on your way home. You’ll be surprised at the power a leopard print panty or lacy bra will hold after keeping it a secret all day.

So what is it about Fifty Shades that has us reconsidering what happens in the bedroom? Darren Michaels sheds light on this phenomenon: “Some of the appeal of the Fifty Shades books are the fact that she trusts Christian implicitly, and turns herself over to him completely. Many women will follow if the right person is leading the way.....” Stepping out of your sexual comfort zone does not have to be scary; just take some steps that you are comfortable with and enjoy new experiences.

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