Do You Communicate With Passion?

Are you the type of person who communicates a point at work and you feel like no one listens to you? But . . .  when someone else, a particular someone else communicates the very same thing, that person’s voice is heard? Or, are you the opposite of this scenario? Rather, are YOU the person who presents an idea at work and you experience that when you speak, others pay attention to what you are saying? Are you the type of person when out with friends you feel like you blend in, and therefore you are not the guy that a gal across the room is going to spot and look your way? Or, rather are you the guy that when out and about women tend to be drawn more towards rather than your friends, even though your friends may be deemed more visually attractive then you? Are you running for a position in your town and feel like you are a person with a laid back communication style? Today’s blog article focuses on the notion that communicating with passion may indeed have a very specific benefit, and that is: that people will be drawn in by you. In essence, people will be drawn in by your personality, IF  your personality is one in which possesses a passionate communication style. Do you communicate with passion?

Passionate Communication Vs. Flat Communication

A person who communicates with passion is quite commonly the person who at work often their voice is heard. A person whose style of communicating with passion is the person when out with friends, others will be drawn towards. When running for office, if one person’s communication style is flat, monotone, lacking in, well, lacking in passion and the other speaks with passion, there are those of whom are more likely to look at the color red then the color grey. Right? Think about it. A woman dressed in a red dress vs. dressed in a grey dress, your eye is more likely to glance in the red direction then in the grey direction. This is literal and metaphoric for speaking with passion (red) vs. communicating without passion (grey).

During my interview this week on FOX News Channel’s ‘The Real Story With Gretchen Carlson’ I explained that Trump’s communication style which is one of passion, is playing a significant role in his fan base. Let’s take a look at this hypothesis in a very basic way, beyond the color example given above. Imagine the scenario: Person A says: “MMMMMMMM THIS chicken parmigiana is DELICIOUS!” While the person says: “mmmm”, their tongue licks their lips (visual), the words: MMMMM and THIS is with a tone inflection of strength and conviction. When the person says: “delicious” the person’s shoulders go back and the person stands up straight and the person points their finger in the air with assertion that this person KNOWS this to be true and thus is telling-it-like-it-is. The recipient’s ears are now open to what that person may say further, for their communication style was one with passion. Vs. Person B who says: “M, this chicken parmigiana is delicious”. This statement comes off as flat. Where’s the passion? Where’s the conviction? Where’s the “I’ll tell it like it is” experience? Where’s the belief in what this person is saying? Where’s the strength? What do you think? Would you be more likely to hear the voice of A or B if visually the body language and tone inflection and volume was with passionate energy thus A’s communication style or would you turn to B’s? Certainly once your head turns to A’s (the red dress,) your ears and eyes are now open to what that person has to say.

Examples Of Passionate Communication – What Happens Beyond…

Voting: If with consistency over time a person’s message (e.g., candidacy message AKA mantra when running for president) is NOT consistent with your philosophies, then the color may fade for you. But the color is what brought you in. IF the mantra, the theme of the person’s words are a fit for you, then you likely shall stay as a fan and most likely will vote in that person’s direction.

Parenting: Consider another example, if you have 2 children and one tends to explain their opinion with passion and interest about a potential weekend activity to do as a family, and the other is quiet. The more passionate child in many families, may be more likely to get their way. Both because the parents may follow the child’s voice, and because the sibling who is more quiet decides to do what his/her sibling is so excited about because it sounds great when described with such passion. Which is why parents of children who have both styles of communicating must be very mindful to assure that both children are getting their voice heard.

Dating: You are in your early 30’s as a woman. Interested in the potential of someday getting married when you find a man you feel is the right fit for you. You have met through a dating site two men, and went out for coffee with each of them. One man verbalizes to you with passion about what he does for his work and his vision for what he still imagines to be doing in the future. This same man also communicates with passion about how he feels about his family (e.g., parents, siblings). The other man you went out for coffee with does not communicate to you with passion about his feelings about any topics. If you are a monogamous style dater, and thus you wish to pick one to continue to date and the other not to go further with, who would you be more drawn in by to give the relationship a chance? The guy who has passion or the guy who falls flat?

What IS Passionate Communication?

A passionate communication style I describe as “communicational-alignment”. It’s when your body posture, your use of your body as a whole including all parts of your body (shoulders, hands etc), your facial expressions, and your tone inflection and verbal volume are in alignment with one another. The recipient of your communication style then in turn experiences your passion. A recipient of a passionate communicator AKA a person who has has “communicational-alignment’ experiences the speaker as giving you the receiver; attention. The receiver experiences the speaker as being fully engaged and focusing on the topic and as such invested in what is being stated and interested in sharing this information with you the recipient. Like in any relationship, when it comes to communication, whether the recipient of your communication is your boss, your colleague, your spouse, your date, your partner, your friend, your child, or a voter because you are running for a position in the town you live in, the state you live in, or you desire to be the president of the U.S., when a recipient experiences “communicational-alignment” AKA passionate communication, and thus receives your conviction, your attention, focus, investment, interest –  it is THAT experience that has a great potential to draw in the listener, in contrast to the other option.

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Follow Dr. Karen on Twitter or Facebook. Media Psychotherapist Guest Expert; Relationships, Parenting, Human Behavior, Analyzes Hot Topics In The News. Has appeared on FOX News Channel's: The O'Reilly Factor, Your World With Neil Cavuto, Hannity, The Real Story With Gretchen Carlson, America's Newsroom, America's News HQ, FOX & Friends, FOX & Friends FIRST, America Live, and FOX Business Network's: Neil Cavuto, and The Willis Report. The go–to expert for FOX News Boston including the regular segment; Ask Dr. Karen. Also appeared on ABC's Good Morning America, Lifetime, Discovery Network's Destination America, MTV, The Steve Harvey TV Show, and more. Sought after Radio Guest Expert. Columnist. Speaker. Often quoted in various print media: Wall Street Journal, FOX Business, FOX News Magazine, Boston Magazine, Boston Globe, Boston Herald, WebMD, Good Housekeeping, Yahoo Shine, Parents, Parenting, CNN, TIME, Woman's Day, Women's Health, Men's Health, USA Today, Care.com, and more. Owner/Founder/President: Dr. Karen Ruskin & Associates, Inc. Based in Massachusetts. Author of: 9 Key Techniques For Raising Respectful Children, 10 Seconds To Mental Health, and Dr. Karen's Marriage Manual.

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