Finding Yourself After A Divorce Or A Break Up

by Dr. Karen Ruskin on August 14, 2012


Jennifer Aniston is not the first nor will she be the last person that is defined by others by her past relationship. Finding  yourself after a divorce or a break up is all a part of the next chapter in one’s book of life. When in a different relationship post a divorce or break up, for some the old relationship identity lingers. Reports this week in the news that Jennifer is engaged to actor/screen writer Justin Theroux has some talking about that perhaps she finally is no longer going to be identified as “used to be married to Brad Pitt”. Want 3 tips for how someone can create a new post relationship identity and/or personal identity after a break up? New England Cable News Network (NECN) The Morning Show with anchor Bridget Blythe asked if I would share my insights and strategies LIVE on air, now available for viewing on demand. After experiencing a break up after a long term relationship a person can indeed move on. In addition to watching the interview, if you wish to read the 3 tips – talking points are documented below.

Finding Yourself/Developing A New Relationship Identity- 3 tips:

  1. Positive self talk and actions (finding me again): I am not defined by my relationship – that is a part of my life journey. I am who I am, and who I am is ________. List 3 positive qualities about yourself. List 3 personal interests, and take action on those interests.
  2. Relationship self: Acknowledge who you were in your old relationship, who you are, and who you wish to be as a relational being in this new relationship using the S.H.I.P. approach: S = Serious Thought, H = Humor, I = Insight, P = Passion.
  3. Friendships/Family: A) self Acknowledgment: Acknowledge to your self that there will be shifts, changes in the relationship dynamics with others and that is a normal part of transition. B) Communicate with friends/family that it may be different for them including a new relationship, and it is a transitionary time for all.

If you would like some more do-able relationship tips, concrete relationship/marital strategies for success, and proven communication methods, check out my book: Dr. Karen’s Marriage Manual for how to have a long term happy marriage. Personalized/autographed copies are available.

Written by

Follow Dr. Karen on Twitter or Facebook. Media Psychotherapist Guest Expert; Relationships, Parenting, Hot Topics In The News. Appears on: The O'Reilly Factor, FOX & Friends, FOX & Friends FIRST, America Live, Hannity, regular go-to for FOX Boston, and more. Can be heard on Radio: FOX News, 96.9 Boston Talks, and more. Columnist, quoted in various print media: FOX Business, Boston Globe, Boston Herald,, USA Today, Parents, TIME, Woman's Day, and more. Owner/Director of Dr. Karen Ruskin & Associates, Inc. Based in Massachusetts. Author of: 9 Key Techniques For Raising Respectful Children and Dr. Karen's Marriage Manual. Copyright 2012.


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