Finding Yourself After A Divorce Or A Break Up

by Dr. Karen Ruskin on August 14, 2012

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Jennifer Aniston is not the first nor will she be the last person that is defined by others by her past relationship. Finding  yourself after a divorce or a break up is all a part of the next chapter in one’s book of life. When in a different relationship post a divorce or break up, for some the old relationship identity lingers. Reports this week in the news that Jennifer is engaged to actor/screen writer Justin Theroux has some talking about that perhaps she finally is no longer going to be identified as “used to be married to Brad Pitt”. Want 3 tips for how someone can create a new post relationship identity and/or personal identity after a break up? New England Cable News Network (NECN) The Morning Show with anchor Bridget Blythe asked if I would share my insights and strategies LIVE on air, now available for viewing on demand. After experiencing a break up after a long term relationship a person can indeed move on. In addition to watching the interview, if you wish to read the 3 tips – talking points are documented below.

Finding Yourself/Developing A New Relationship Identity- 3 tips:

  1. Positive self talk and actions (finding me again): I am not defined by my relationship – that is a part of my life journey. I am who I am, and who I am is ________. List 3 positive qualities about yourself. List 3 personal interests, and take action on those interests.
  2. Relationship self: Acknowledge who you were in your old relationship, who you are, and who you wish to be as a relational being in this new relationship using the S.H.I.P. approach: S = Serious Thought, H = Humor, I = Insight, P = Passion.
  3. Friendships/Family: A) self Acknowledgment: Acknowledge to your self that there will be shifts, changes in the relationship dynamics with others and that is a normal part of transition. B) Communicate with friends/family that it may be different for them including a new relationship, and it is a transitionary time for all.

If you would like some more do-able relationship tips, concrete relationship/marital strategies for success, and proven communication methods, check out my book: Dr. Karen’s Marriage Manual for how to have a long term happy marriage. Personalized/autographed copies are available.

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Follow Dr. Karen on Twitter or Facebook. Media Psychotherapist Guest Expert; Relationships, Parenting, Hot Topics In The News. Appears on: The O'Reilly Factor, FOX & Friends, FOX & Friends FIRST, America Live, Hannity, regular go-to for FOX Boston, and more. Can be heard on Radio: FOX News, 96.9 Boston Talks, and more. Columnist, quoted in various print media: FOX Business, Boston Globe, Boston Herald, Care.com, USA Today, Parents, TIME, Woman's Day, and more. Owner/Director of Dr. Karen Ruskin & Associates, Inc. Based in Massachusetts. Author of: 9 Key Techniques For Raising Respectful Children and Dr. Karen's Marriage Manual. Copyright 2012.

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