Heart To Heart Parenting:
Raising Your Child's Soul

Character Defined
By Anne Leedom

The day I discovered I was pregnant the dreams began. These were not just the usual dreams you often have when you are pregnant. I'm talking about the dreams every parent has for their child. Dreams about what they will look like, what they will become when they grow up and if they will be happy. I spent nine months and the first three years of each of my two daughter's lives thinking about these dreams. Of course, one of the most important dreams was that they each be "good" people. It's only after years of first hand experience that I am starting to realize the variables that make up a "good" person.

Watching my kids intereact with other kids I learned that there are many aspects of this "goodness" I was hoping to see. Traits like resolving conflict, respect, listening and self-control became critical to the smooth workings of the day, if not preserving life itself. As they continued to grow I became aware of qualities like cooperation, accountablity, responsibility, peacemaking and caring. I know that as they get older trustworthiness and the ability to accept differences in others will also be essential to creating the "good" person I was hoping to raise.

I slowly realized there is a name for all these qualities. They are part of something called Character; the ability to possess these qualities for the improvement of one's self and the world around us. My parenting direction was now clearly defined. This would be one of life's greatest tasks I could undertake, and if I am successful what more could I ask out of life!

Experts tell us character traits are learned and they are changeable. By controlling certain factors in a child's environment we can create the conditions that enhance or develop the qualities of character. According to Dr. Michele Borba, author of Character Builders, www.moralintelligence.com, these character traits can be developed through the introduction of critical skills focused on for a period of six weeks to two months. Focusing on building one trait over a period of time is more effective than trying something different everyday. Over the course of a year, according to Dr. Borba, you will see a significant change in your child's or student's behavior.

Of course, the most important factor in influencing a child's behavior is having positive role models who demonstrate these behaviors on a regular basis. A parent or teacher can specifically demonstrate one of the character traits desired and this alone can have a tremendous impact. Dr. Borba says there are five steps to building these traits. The first is to target the desired behavior for 21 days. The second is to define the needs and values of the trait. The third step is to teach what the trait looks like and sounds like. The fourth is to provide structered practice for 21 days. The fifth is to reinforce the trait through immediate feedback and encourage uses for the trait in life.

Building character in your kids can easily be reinforced through the use of visual and activity tools throughout the day. Posters, screensavers, activity books and other small, creative and fun ideas can make this a project in which kids want to participate! The value of character in our kids can go a long way to prevent the all too commonly seen behaviors of violence, cheating, disrespect, cruelty, bad language, sexual precocity and abuse, self-destructivieness and many other negative behaviors so prevelant today. We CAN all make the difference through directing our efforts, and therefore our children's efforts in a positive way everyday!