Six Signs Single Mothers should look for to determine if Their Child is Using Illegal Substances

Studies of families in the United States show that when there is no father present, children of single mothers have more behavioral problems, poorer academic performance, and lower social skills than children from two-parent families. Many single mothers often seem unaware of how to identify and establish appropriate boundaries, and because of that, their relationship with their children has gotten out of control or has created complex problems such as these. Boundaries are limitations that need to be established so that your child knows and understands the clear differences between what is appropriate (what they are allowed to do) and what is not (behaviors you will not accept). Establishing boundaries for children with two parents present is very difficult so as a single parent the task is even more challenging. The following is a common question I am often asked during counseling sessions with single mothers.

Question: "Is it appropriate for me to search my child’s room if I suspect that they are doing something illegal or are engaged in activities which could harm them in any way? What is the difference between invading their privacy and doing what any mother would do if she suspected their child’s behavior might potentially hurt them?"

Answer: This can be a seriously conflicting issue between all parents and children, and it is one that requires a delicate balance between respecting a child's personal space and privacy and your being sure that they are not engaged in dangerous or illegal activity. As a mental health professional who has studied these issues, I believe you have the right to check your child’s belongings if you are suspicious of their activities or note some warning signs. Here are 6 signs to look for:

There is a negative change in your child’s behavior or moods.
They begin to hang out with different kinds of friends from the ones you used to know.
Their grades begin to decline.
They are becoming more secretive about their possessions and do not like to answer questions about where they have been and who they have been with.
They have lost interest in hobbies and/or sports that used to be important to them.
You notice unusual fragrances on their clothing or in their room. Even pleasant fragrances—if they are unfamiliar—may indicate an attempt to mask the odor of some drugs.

You have the right–in fact, the obligation-- to know what is happening in your child’s life. According to a recent Monitoring the Future survey taken nearly six years ago of approximately 50,000 American students showed that almost 40% of high school seniors and more than a third of 8th graders report having used marijuana within the past year. Additionally, the majority of high school seniors admit to having had an alcoholic beverage within the past month. These statistics do not mean your child is engaging in any kind of drug use. They do mean that if you suspect they are, the statistics suggest a strong likelihood that they might be.

If you find something you are unsure about in your child’s room, you should talk to them frankly, warm them of the consequences of inappropriate actions and try to stop them from making wrong choices that could lead to serious consequences for them. If you are sure they are using illegal substances or alcohol, you should seek professional help before their problem becomes something even more serious.

Dr. Josef A. Passley is a Senior Child/Adolescent Therapist at the Johns Hopkins Bayview Medical Center, Baltimore, MD where he actively serves as Clinical Co-Investigator in a Clinic-Based Intervention & Prevention Program for Families Experiencing Depression. He also serves as a therapist with a Private Practice Multidisciplinary Group: Cedar Ridge Counseling Centers, in Laurel, Maryland where he provides outpatient mental health treatment for children, adolescents and adults in individual, couples, and family therapy settings. Dr. Passley is a frequent radio guest, national and international speaker discussing such topics as: “Preparing children to live productive and meaningful lives,” “Children and Holiday Depression,” “Paternal Absence and its impact on society,” and “The Effects of Divorce on Children.” He has also recently authored Single Parenting in the 21st Century and Beyond. Dr. Passley may be contacted via email japphd@yahoo.com or at 443.621.7260.